Wondering why.....

So here's my rambling on this.......at the young age of 23 Scotty has lost more friends than most people in their 50's have. Torre was #6. One of these people was a girl he went to grade school and high school with who died of cancer. While he wasn't really close to her, it was still someone he knew. However, this one really hit him hard and seemed to hit home more.

All of this started his junior year in high school, (October of 2001) his very close friend Brian along with two others were killed in a car accident. Some may remember hearing about this on the news. Brian along with many other students from South were headed to Columbia, MO to cheer on the girls softball team who were playing in the State Championship game. On the way, there was the accident. And while I choose to leave out a lot of details here, it was a very hard time. Brian along with two others died and 1 person survived. While this was a very hard time and difficult, it was even harder because my grandpa had passed away just a month prior to this accident. That was something we were all still trying to coop with.

My grandpa died September 8th 2001. His wake was on September 11th, 2001. It was a very difficult day to begin with but to wake up that morning and hear the news of planes crashing into buildings made the day even more difficult.

Since 2001, Scotty has experienced more death than I have. There was my grandpa, the three from the car accident. In March of 2003, my grandma passed away. Then came the girl who died of cancer. (And by the way, I'm leaving their names out because I don't feel right posting their names) Next came another friend killed in a car accident. And now Torre.

I've struggled with this one myself. Torre was the type of guy who seemed to always be full of life, have a smile on his face, and having a good time. Why him? While I hadn't seen him in a while, I remember him coming around often. I think knowing Scotty has gone through this so many times, it broke my heart to see him go through it again. Not that any of the other ones were any easier but with each one, the older wounds are opened again and you relive all of them all over again in a way.

This has really got me to thinking this week at how precious life really is. Everything can change in a matter of a second. Torre was an only child and I can't even imagine what his parents are going through. I don't think I really thought about it before with Brian being a new mom at the time, I didn't start thinking about yourself or child. But things at that time are kind of foggy any way since so much went on. But this time, not only was I thinking about Scotty and how he would make it through this again but about Torre's family and then about myself and the girls. I know it sounds selfish to be thinking about myself and the girls but I really started thinking this week, how does a person get through something like this and how do you go on?

I started thinking about everyone in my life, everyone that I love. While no one person is more important than the other, I have really started thinking about Scotty. He's my little brother. He's a pain in the ass most of the time. But I don't know what I'd do without his smart mouth and his love for hunting. Courtney is the tomboy she is today mostly because of him. My Dad and other brother Bobby have a part to play in that too but Scotty started it all. He had her playing hunting computer games at a year and a half. Courtney is very close to Scotty and I can't even begin to think what she would do without him.

The one thing that really scares me about him is his drinking and driving. I just wish that he'd get it....you CANNOT do it!! I know I can't make him stop but I wish he'd understand that it can happen to anyone. Every night this past week I have gone to bed thanking God for him being safe and praying that something clicks in his head and he will understand. I know there's nothing I can really do at this point other than continue to be there, pray, and hope. Not only for Scotty but for his other friends because I don't want to see him go through this ever again!!! It's too much for one person to handle or understand.

It's been hard struggling with all the "why" questions. I know that we will never know why which is something that makes it even harder. But at this point, it is comforting to know, Torre is in heaven with Brian and the others. They are all there together and will be watching over Scotty. I know I'm being selfish but I pray for them to be his guardian angel and that they help guide Scotty in his life and the choices he makes, after all he has many guardian angels now. I want him around to put up with for a long time.

So at this time, while I continue to pray for healing for Scotty and Torre's family, I'm also very thankful for all the loved ones, both family and friends that I have in my life. After all, everyone plays their special part in this world and has their own gifts. We have to be thankful for today, look forward to the gift of tomorrow, and enjoy every memory we make with those that we love.