Friday Funny!

The Zen of Sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either.. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day .

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving .

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

AND

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Have a great weekend!

Wordless Wednesday

Good....Better....Best!

I couldn't pass this up for today!


GOOD
In Haverhill , a Massachusetts State Trooper was running radar. He had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting any. Then he discovered the problem. A 12 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read 'RADAR TRAP AHEAD!' The officer later found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading, 'TIPS' and a bucket full of money. (Beats a lemonade stand!)

BETTER
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Bradford , MA . A $40.00 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he s ent the police department a picture of $40.00. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

BEST
A young woman was pulled over in Groveland , MA for speeding. As the MA State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, 'I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Massachusetts State Police Ball.' He replied, 'MA State Troopers don't have balls.' There was a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car!

Somebody try that and let me know if it works! ;)

Crazy Days!

Here's a little update with what's been going on around here.......

Schools out for the summer and our schedule hasn't slowed down much! Our weeks have been full with softball practices and games, meetings, dinner plans, play dates, birthdays, and much more! The girls are very excited to be out of school and are enjoying their much needed time off.

Our big news around here recently......actually two big things! First, we are moving! I have mixed feelings about this and I'm not going to go into them right now but my parents have a contract on the house so we are moving. We are on the hunt for a new place and hopefully have found that place. We will know more by tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed for us and say an extra prayer. The second big thing is, I had a job offer with a Farmer's Insurance agent and have accepted it. It's full time but right now we are working around Dave's schedule and when we have someone to watch the girls for us. This is another thing I have mixed feelings on, but oh well. I haven't won the lottery yet and the girls are set on staying at ASLS so until those winning lottery numbers come across, we are onto this chapter in out life! :)

Courtney's birthday pics are coming soon! I just haven't had time to download them yet. I still can't believe she is 9!!! And for the big question, what did she get? Well, she got a cell phone! I know!!! We are crazy but there's a reason behind this craziness! Actually two reasons. One, Dave gets 2 cell phones thru work with so many minutes each month. These phones have just been sitting because we are under contract with our phones. So when all this came up about me working, we decided to give Courtney one of these phones to use so no matter where her and Kayla are or who they are with, they can get ahold of Dave or I if they need to and we can get ahold of them. Sounds crazy I know but there have been strict guidelines set up with her and this phone and she is only allowed to call the numbers that we programed into the phone. She was very excited and surprisingly Kayla was very happy for her and understands that she can use to phone too when needed.

So there's the scoop for now. Things are busy and crazy around with all these changes. Somehow we will keep smiling and make it to tomorrow! Hope everyone is having a great summer!! :)

Until next time, have a great week!

Happy 9th Birthday Courtney!!

Today Courtney turns 9!! A little scary. I can't believe 9 years have gone by as fast as they have because it seems like just yesterday we were making that drive to the hospital at 6am after my water broke.

Looking back on the last 9 years, it's amazing to see all the accomplishments she has made. She's not just that sweet little girl who I could dress in dresses, put bows in her hair, and would wear cute little sandals. She's a growing girl who has a true love for hunting, animals, and sports. She wants nothing to do with any dresses, no more bows in the hair (except for a very rare occasion when I can talk her into it!), and definitely no more cute little sandals.

The last 9 years have been surprising, amazing, wonderful, trying, and truly unpredictable!! Courtney seems to blow us away often with her sweet, caring, and lovable personality. Her love for learning grows with her daily. And she has shocked us with a new passion for learning about the Presidents. Her knowledge and memory is something that amazes us every day. I can only hope and pray that her love for learning continues on for many, many years to come.

As I look forward to the future, I can only imagine what joys and trails we will face with our strong willed, sometime stubborn, sweet, loving, deer hunting girl!

**pics to come soon.

Happy 9th Birthday Courtney Lee!!

Because they make me SMILE!!

Courtney & Kayla - Memorial Day Weekend 2009 at The Farm
The "Redneck Slip N Slide!

Huh?

If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling the corner of your eyes as if you were Chinese. It works and its yoo FUNNY !

Mommy to Mom to Mother

MOTHERS

Real Mothers don't eat quiche;
They don't have time to make it.

Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils
Are probably in the sandbox..

Real Mothers often have sticky floors,
Filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers know that dried play dough
Doesn't come out of carpets.

Real Mothers don't want to know what
The vacuum just sucked up.

Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?'
And get their answer when a little
Voice says, 'Because I love you best.'

Real Mothers know that a child's growth
Is not measured by height or years or grade...
It is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother...

The Images of Mother

4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.

14 YEARS OF AGE - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.

16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.

18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!

25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!

35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.

45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she
Shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

Here's to all the 'REAL' Moms!

BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN

This made me laugh! Enjoy.....

BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _____

Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a damn thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidermal in your eighth month.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______

The Layette :

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, & fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______

Worries:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______

Pacifier:

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______

Diapering:

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the
smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _______

Activities

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Zoo, Baby Movies and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______

Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______

At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't
squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______

Swallowing Coins (a favorite):

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______

Funny how it's all so true!!

Underwear Dust

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'April', he hollered into the bathroom,

'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'

She replied, 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow!!!!!!'

Women can always out smart the men!

Interesting......????

In the spirit of Rodney Dangerfield. . . ."How Bad Is The Economy ??? . . .

I'll tell you how bad the economy is . . .It's so bad that . . "


CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Jewish women are marrying for love.

Even people who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren't paying their taxes.

Hotwheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

Obama met with small businesses to discuss the Stimulus Package: GE, Pfizer and Citigroup.

McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

A truckload of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico.

The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.

People in Africa are donating money to Americans.

Motel Six won't leave the light on.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

And finally...

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Great news...the guy who made $50 billion disappear will be investigated by the people who made $750 billion disappear.

Now that's funny!

We made it! Schools OUT FOR THE SUMMER!!

We survived the last few crazy days of school and summer vacation is officially here!!! We are 3 days into vacation and loving it! Sleeping in has been wonderful however the weather has not been. Monday was beautiful out, Tuesday we had on and off storms all day, and today.....it's cold, misty, and just plain yucky out!

Our last couple of days have all been busy! Courtney had a pool party at her teachers house on Thursday. Friday was a half of day but was booked with lots going on. Our weekend ended up not being too bad due to all this stupid rain. Softball games were cancelled so that opened up some free time!! Some much needed time of doing nothing!

This week our days are hit or miss but our evenings are full! Or at least they were until all this rain moved in again. Courtney was suppose to have to softball games lastnight. Both were cancelled and we've cancelled practice for tonight. Dave is off on Friday so the girls are "in charge' of planning a fun family day. We'll see what they come up with. ;) Our upcoming weekend actually doesn't look too bad right now......a softball game, dinner plans, and some relaxing time! Maybe we will get a chance to open the pool if this rain would stop! :)

Until next time, have a great week!